


Of vampyrs and necks and things

by mimo



Category: Merlin (BBC)
Genre: Gen, Necks, Silly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2010-10-25
Updated: 2010-10-25
Packaged: 2017-10-12 21:15:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/129147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mimo/pseuds/mimo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A vampyr is the latest of mythical beings to plague Camelot, and Arthur is eager to slay it before his vampyr-bait necked manservant is the next victim. IT ISN'T GOING TO MAKE MUCH SENSE. SHHH.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In which we are introduced to the magical threat of the week

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jaela](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaela/gifts).



> Jami and I were discussing Benedict Cumberbatch and Colin Morgan's status as vampire-bait, on account of LOOK HAVE YOU SEEN THOSE NECKS  
> So obviously this is what happens.

"A vampyr?" Merlin squawked, waving his arms emphatically. "You're absolutely sure that's what this is?"

"Absolutely" Gaius replied, quirking an eyebrow, "and though I'm pleased you recognize the danger this time, which hopefully means you'll be more _careful_ , why are you so surprised? We've dealt with quite a few magical creatures by now."

"Yes, but.. I always thought they were just, I dunno, a myth?"

Gaius quirked an eyebrow, and Merlin fidgeted.

"It's just, everyone's heard of them, but noone's ever seen one! And I'm used to evil sorcerers and scary beasts and things, but vampyrs are just so.. creepy."

"Indeed."

"They have.. they're.. just creepy!"

Eyebrow.

Merlin sighed, resigned. "Right, so how do we kill this thing then? Wooden stakes? Please tell me it's just wooden stakes."

"Well to be honest, no one has ever killed such a creature before. Not properly, at least. According to this book, you'll need an enchanted stake. Either that or a magical flame."


	2. In which some stuff happens

Prince Arthur was not pleased with the latest in a long (so very long) list of mysterious deaths and goings-on in Camelot. This time it was bloodless corpses. His father, of course, immediately declared it to be the work of magic, and although he didn’t disagree (because of course it was magic, it was _always_ magic) he was frankly exhausted with this relentless crusade by now. Gwen was flustered as usual, and he worried about her, especially since Morgana was being entirely unhelpful and doing absolutely nothing about it. In fact, she seemed to be making matters worse by fueling Uther’s already bitter stance on the current situation. “It’s _sorcery_ Uther, it has to be” and since when had Morgana agreed with anything Uther stubbornly insisted was true?

As for Merlin, well… as was always the case when Camelot was faced with obviously magic-related disaster, he was all pensive and twitchy and a complete and utter failure at being even remotely useful as a manservant. Or a friend, even! He was too busy being all secretive and “ooh I know something important but I won’t trust you enough to let you deal with it” blah blah blah, to pay attention to Arthur’s worries and- okay, so manservants weren’t really supposed to be the ones you complain to when the woman you’re kind-of sort-of courting but not really is being all weird and nice but then distant and then mooning after every vaguely (okay, maybe more than vaguely) good looking and sort of (FINE, a lot more than sort of) noble and dashing man that visited Camelot- but a friend was supposed to! And... he’d really thought that Merlin was supposed to be his friend. Best friend. They’d saved each other’s lives enough by now that he trusted Merlin far more than was probably healthy for a Prince and manservant. Unfortunately, there was something… there was definitely something Merlin didn’t trust him enough to tell, because every couple of weeks he’d get like this; be all jumpy and hole himself up with Gaius and then sometimes he’d get injured and Arthur really wished he knew what the hell was going on.

Scrubbing his hand frustratedly through his hair and then over his face in a tired huff, Arthur strode down to the consulting room where his father sat surrounded by a few of the more senior knights, Gaius, and-speak of the devil- Merlin.

“We believe it is a _vampyr_ , sire” Gaius was saying, “judging by the bite marks on the necks and the victims so far, it is targeting” he paused, clearing his throat, “…attractive young men and women with pale skin.”

Arthur’s eyes snapped to his dark haired, pale skinned manservant, and then back to Gaius, and he felt a sudden dread and angry tension creep into his skin.

“How do we kill it?”

Gaius eyes flickered slightly before he cleared his throat and glanced quickly to Arthur in acknowledgment before addressing the king. “It appears the creature must be staked, sire, before being burned.”

“Arthur, you will deal with this?” It was an order, rather than a request.

“You can count on me, father.”


	3. In which Arthur realizes the danger of nice necks and Merlin does not

Once the room’s occupants had filed out solemnly, Gaius, Arthur, and Merlin retired to the physician’s quarters to discuss their plans, a practice that was becoming increasingly (and disturbingly)  frequent of late.

“Spit it out Gaius,” Arthur glared as soon as the door was safely shut, “what exactly is it I have to do?”

“I told you sire, you-“

“No, I saw that look in there, Gaius. It’s something more, isn’t it? Something my father won’t approve of but has to be done whether he likes it or not. Tell me.”

“The stake must be enchanted, sire” sighed the older man “or it will not work.”

Enchanted. Of course it would have to be enchanted.  Arthur squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath. “Alright. Where do I get an enchanted stake?”

At this, Merlin, having been abnormally quiet for the past few hours, piped up. “We sort of have one already, actually.”

Arthur groaned. “Please do not tell me where you got it from _Merlin_ , because I really do _not_ want to know.” He paused, casting a cursory glance over his lanky friend. “So where is it?”

“Oh! Here, it’s- I’ve got it somewhe-“

“Not the _stake_ , Merlin, the _vampyr_!”

“Ah, right. It... it’s… we don’t know. It comes out at night?”

Arthur tried _very_ hard to be patient, but couldn’t resist a dark glare at his sheepish manservant.

“And it likes dark places?”

Arthur sighed.  “Fine, alright, I’ll go look around where the last victim was. That would be…?”

Merlin brightened, and seemed to be glad to actually be of help. “Near the castle! The eastern area.”

Arthur paled, and then spoke slowly. Very slowly. Also clearly. “This, Merlin, is the eastern area of the castle.” Merlin nodded. “And you…”he inhaled, slowly, “you’re… you... have you even been being careful at all?”

Merlin’s entire being gave the affect of being very confused

Arthur tried again. “You’re not even wearing your- you know, those,” he made a weird hand motion around the vague area of his neck, “those scarf things. And there have been three attacks by this- this varp thing-“

“Vampyr”

“Vampyr thing, very close to _where you sleep_ , and” Arthur flushed slightly, caught between anger and frustrated embarrassment, “and have you _seen_ yourself?”

Merlin did the confused-with-entire-being thing again, this time adding a you-are-scaring-me-slightly-with-your-crazy expression.

“It’s- you, uh” hands flailing about neck again, “it likes _necks_ , Merlin and yours is all…”

“What?” Merlin spluttered, “What’s wrong with my neck?” and proceeded to clutch his throat and prod gently at the point where his neck met his collarbone, and the long line which stretched from the back of his ear down to-

“Nothing! Nothing’s _wrong_ with it Merlin, it’s” waving his hands again, “it’s all long and- you know, pale and- it’s.. . just. Just stick close to me until I kill this thing okay, would you just-” he let out a long and exasperated groan before stalking off in the general direction of darkened alleyways.

Merlin followed.


End file.
